✣ Permission to Change, a Mission to Estrange

2023 W08

This is a cliche opening line, but I’d do it anyway. People say that change is inevitable. A more paradoxical wordplay would say, "Change is the only constant." All to say that person will eventually change.

Change is neutral. It could open more exciting possibilities or lead us to our doom. This is the tricky part, the uncertainties aspect is for sure what makes it uncomfortable.

Have you met your old friends and thought they'd changed so much?

At that time, your memories cling to an image of someone, frozen in time as the last time you met them. It felt uncomfortable as you rely on your recollection about them. They are part of your foundation, the never changing familiar things that hold your sense of normalcy.

When you realize they've changed, your reality shatters, and your foundation gets shaky.

"You've changed." That's the last confirmation that subconsciously slip out of your tongue. You're saying that to yourself — not your friend — as you prepare to ease into the acceptance phase.

Somehow we demand others to stay constant while we're more permissive for a change about ourselves. Our own change is gradual and iterative. It made sense, we didn't realize it being so up close and personal with ourself.

When was the last time you realized that you had a different opinion about things you hated before but now liked a little?

I recently realized that I was a coffee enjoyer acting like a purist (at least towards myself), only wanting to consume pour-over coffee without any additional milk, foam, or sugar. Lately, I've been enjoying more and more cafe lattes, flat whites, or cappuccinos. They are not bad at all. Opinion has changed.

When the espresso was good, a cup of flat white could be amazing.

When did someone come up to you and say, "Wow! You've changed a lot."

Own it. Don't be fazed by guilt and torture yourself with thoughts like, "Oh, am I a bad friend when I change, even when I liked the new me so much?"

The proximity between us and ourselves makes it challenging to notice the daily accumulation of little decisions, which shapes us quite differently than five, three, or even one year ago. Giving permission to yourself and others to change might be one of the best levers that one could try at least once in their lifetime.

We are not obligated to stay the same as we were six months or three weeks ago. We are absolutely unbounded by the responsibility to be a constant.

You might as well permit yourself and others to change. As people say, change is inevitable and the only constant.

Question to you

When was the last time you’ve change your opinion about something? How it affects you?